Mashes Potatoes

Oooooooh, Mashed Potaaaaaatooooooes!! This would be a typical response to the alpha dog of
what we now classify as ‘’Comfort Food’’. I’m not sure what comfort food means, not entirely.
That they preserve the familiar safety of some past environment long gone and that the trade
off of calories for blue blanket peace of mind is well worth it. Faulkner said, kinda, ‘The past is
always with us, it is not dead, it isn’t even past’. I think in a big way, comfort food can be
anything. I once worked for a guy who would come into the kitchen when lettuce processing was
going on so to eat romaine hearts(cores?) with salt and lemon. This, returned him to his
grandmothers kitchen in Greece. Now I eat those cores and it returns me to his kitchen that no longer exists.


America loves potatoes. If you consider potatoes, pasta and rice as the 3 primary accompanying starches or carbs on the American repertoire/menu, hands down, the potato is #1 if for no other reason than it may appear in all 3 of our squares. And so many kinds of potatoes. Mashed, fries, home fries, salads, baked, stuffed, pancakes, chips, croquettes on and on plus as ingredients in pot pies, stews, and soups. Etcetera etcetera. We like potatoes, I’d say.


Mashed potatoes have some range. Basically you have 4 ‘areas’ of ingredients; potatoes, shortening or fat, milk product and lastly but very significantly, the character generating ‘also’s’.
There are increasingly more potatoes being made available to us. The very high end sort of potatoes are just not the ticket for mashed, and I’m sure your Aunt Rhoda would not have considered them at all. Idaho or Chef’s are fine and, these you will want to peel. Lil’ red potatoes are fine and their lil’ white counterparts are fine. As these are thin skinned, you do not need peel them. I would add, there is much nutrition in potato’s skin. You will have to check this smaller type of potato for black spots and eyes. Just cut away what you find unappealing, no big deal. Soft spots must be removed and rinsed(no big deal).


If you need to buy a pot for this project, a 4 quart thick bottom pot will easily accommodate mashed for 4-6 people. Have your pot on the ready, half full of cold water. Once you have peeled a spud, spud, drop them directly into water, or else, they will start to turn black, same as apples and avocados. This is due to their alkaline PH. As I have also said before, peel in the sink, not over the garbage, not on your table or counter. ZERO accumulated mess is the goal, always.
Next comes the fat thing. I’ll tell you a story. I once had a bird. A Hornbill, from Africa. These are omnivores which means it will eat almost any garbage you can think of, much like ourselves, generally. I used to let it out after dinners and it would clean up scraps on plates on the table. One night, dissatisfied with the available fare, it went for the ivory soap in the soap dish, how bizarre. What did that mean? It meant the animal could instinctually identify fat. It just knew. We do the same. This is much of the charm of rich mash potatoes. In fact, this instinct and this gift of evolution manipulates much of our food decisions. You should have those vegetables steamed - plain, but, you will want those vegetables(steamed) with melted butter and grated cheese. Comfort Ye. You could use olive oil but the thing will taste like olive oil, not mashed potatoes. There is a great Greek dip called skortaya which is garlic and olive oil with mashed potatoes-no dairy. You will get a seat on the bus. The other oils just don’t work. Butter, that’s what it is !


Milk. There is a range of milk, it goes from heavy cream to no-fat or skim milk. There is also evaporated milk, sour cream and buttermilk. I don’t recommend half & half, you’ll run into problems. Moderate amounts of regular milk and butter will produce fine mash potatoes. Cream, better. Blind fold tested, the richest potatoes will win the most friends, no doubt. This brings us to the wild card 4th element, the alsos.


The alsos are the also ingredients that endow the masheds with flavors beyond, potato, dairy, fat, salt and pepper.


First on this list is garlic. Not granulated or powdered garlic or chopped garlic in a jar that says fresh on the label. Garlic, it looks like a plant, it is a plant and it grows in a bulb. You pop out 2 or 3 of those lil cloves, put them on the table, cover them with a paper towel and smash them, once. This should get the peels off easily. Drop them(the cloves) into the water with the potatoes, they will disintegrate in the cook.


Second is onion. I need to write a page solely about onions. For now, just a few slices of onion, (not red which will turn everything pinkish brown), thin as you can, will make your spuds get up and go to school. They too will dissolve with out having to chop them.
My favorite also(and third) is parsnip or turnip. Parsnip is that thing that looks like a white carrot. Peel it, cut of the stalk butt end and cook it with the potatoes and the other alsos, and, it too will dissolve. Turnips are either pink and white which would be a white turnip or, the larger yellowish and very waxy yellow turnip or rutabaga, which, is fun to say. I like the rutabaga more but since it’s a pretty big thing and even half is more than you’ll need,(for now), use the white and finish it one shot. After peeling this turnip thing, slice it up a little as it will not dissolve in the time the other elements will, if left whole.


O.K. Peeled potatoes (or unpeeled small potatoes), garlic, onion, and maybe turnip or parsnip, in a pot of water with enough water to submerge everything. I hesitate to specify amounts of anything. I feel this would be unforgivably uninteresting. You will need to add salt to this boil. Again , kosher salt is the best, it’s hard…harder to control table salt, when you are cooking with it. A small amount in the middle of your palm, about the size of a quarter, is about right. This dose of salt is for the cooking. Ultimately, it will not be enough and you will be adding more at the finish. Add black pepper to the cook now. You will not need much as it will blossom in the boil. A pepper mill is better than pre-ground table pepper.


After about, a half hour or so, on a medium flame, the potatoes should fall apart easily if you molest them with a fork or knife. End of cook. You will need to pour off most of the water, not all. The bottom of the water contains this kind of potato sludge that you want. You also want to stay in this pot so don’t go looking for a colander or strainer. Just use a fork or knife or the lid of your pot to help pour of the water without your spuds going in the sink.


O.K. If you have cooked 4 or 6 large potatoes or 10 or15 small ones throw in about 2 fingers of butter. I assume you have a stick of butter so I say 2 fingers same as if you were pouring bourbon. Mash that up. You can use a potato masher or a whisk or a fork, no infomercial miracle kitchen aid needed. Start adding your milk of choice. You can mix them. A little heavy cream, a little milk. Pour a little, mash a little, wait, repeat and start tasting. Now is when you will have to decide if you need a little more salt, go slowly, you can’t get it out if you add too much. When you think you have it just right, walk away for 2 minutes, and then re-evaluate. Potatoes can miraculously absorb salt or liquids, therefore, taste as you progress.


This end process is called ’the finish’. Most of what comes before is mechanical. The finish is what will earn you those guttural moans of joy and approbation or, the polite though negative "interesting’’.


You have done it again. You are very talented and able. Your pot should not need scrubbing and your small kitchen area should not be a wreck. You are the crest of evolution, you’re the wisdom of the ages.

Mashed potatoes will make fine leftovers. Be sure not to seal them in an air-tight container if they are still even warm. Doing this would accelerate spoilage due to bacterial factors. We share the planet with them you know.


Some will say, mashed are better the next day. There’s reasons for that too.